WARNING...STAGE 5 CLINGER

Definition: “A member of the opposite sex that is likely to become overly attached, overly fast. Virgins, those on the rebound, and the emotionally fragile are more likely to have this term applied to them.”  What this definition forgot to add was that when you put a bunch of women together there is a LARGE possibility of finding a Stage 5 clinger in there.  I’ve seen it all too often.  Girls meet, they hit it off, everything seems perfect, they talk, they text, go on a few dates, and then things start intensifying…quickly.  The fun, sweet, innocent calls and texts turn into constant calls and hundreds of texts and basically, you can’t get a break from that person.  She may have seemed like the perfect girl but she quickly turned into the overbearing overzealous STAGE 5 CLINGER.

We know that lesbians in general are typically going to be more attentive, caring and also needy and move faster (hire the UHAUL).  That’s a given when you put two women together.  Maybe some girls dig the whole stage 5 thing.  I’m not one of them.  I love attention from my partner.  I love being needed and wanted, but I have to draw the line somewhere and so should you.  It’s one thing to be wanted.  It’s another to feel like you just found yourself a certified stalker.  This reminds me of a girl I once dated.  I met her through a mutual friend, so I figured if there was any need to be warned, my friend would do so.  I was wrong (dear friend of mine, you know who you are, I still owe you for this one).  At first, this girl I met was cute, funny, and seemingly had all the characteristics I liked.  I had just broken up with someone so I was looking for something light and easy and she seemed like a good option.  We exchanged numbers and the next day we were sending each other texts and getting to know one another.  All good things…for now.  The first week passed and since she lived in another state, we did a lot of chatting on the phone and texting.  This seemed normal at the time but then, one night on the phone, it was getting late, I was getting tired and I had said I was going to go to bed.  Her response was, “Will you sleep on the phone with me?”  Puzzled by her request, I said, “What do you mean? Like keep the phone on all night and have it just lay next to me?”  She said, “YES.”  Ummmmmmmm, ok, warning sign number 1.  (I hope no one is reading this and thinking, awww, that’s cute, she wanted to sleep on the phone with her.  There is nothing cute about this).  I obliged to her request only because I was so tired and shocked and didn’t feel like arguing it.  When she asked me again the next night I was now just weirded out.  This is not normal.  What the hell is the point of sleeping on the phone?  Was she getting pleasure in listening to me breathe?  Perhaps she was hoping I would profess my love to her in my sleep?  Maybe she wanted to try and hear me snore?  I’m not sure what her reason was but I wasn’t feeling it and neither was my cell phone bill.  Her stage 5 clinging didn’t stop there either.  This girl was legit stalking my life.  She saw a pic of me and my ex on Facebook and was grilling me about it for almost 2 hours and got seriously mad at me and was accusing me of still wanting to be with her.  If I didn’t respond to her email fast enough she would get mad and question what I was doing (hi, I have a job I work at and it’s not to email you).  Enough was enough.  I was all set with this one.  I had endured all I could.  No longer was this the light and easy scenario I had envisioned.  It was time to run and run fast.  My ear was developing bed sores and it had become glaringly apparent this was not the girl for me. 

So all you emotionally fragile, on the rebound, virgins, and lesbians alike…please take note, not all girls enjoy their life being stalked.  It’s just not a good look.  A little space is a good thing.  Distance makes the heart grow fonder, right?  So back up off it.  I can appreciate moments of needing some reassurance or perhaps some extra TLC but a girl needing to know every breath I take, every move I make, she’ll be watching you, literally, is just not ok.  I don’t know if Sting had intentions of his song being referenced with Stage 5 clingers, but his lyrics don’t lie.  Lezbehonest ladies, STAGE 5 = SEE YA LATER.   

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cEnJDaqT3-0