Carpets or Hardwood Floors...You be the judge.

  

I’m going to take a bold leap from my first entry, which I hope you all enjoyed, and delve right into a topic that my friends and I discuss all the time.  It’s what some may call a bit taboo, but I just think of it as entertaining and interesting.  It’s the topic of girls and their shaving habits…down south.  Based on the title of this entry, I’m sure you can guess which will refer to what.  There is this big debate about what is proper shaving etiquette when it comes to women in general, and more specifically for us lesbians.  Let’s start briefly with women in general, meaning older women, straight women, etc…  Have you ever seen really old school porn, like from wayyyyy back in the day?  If you have, you know that the “big bush” was considered normal then.  If you have never seen old porn, well, you are missing out because it’s hilarious and ridiculous, but also, all of the women have what I call an “unkempt” area.  I’m talking hair all over there.  You get the picture, and it’s not a pretty one.  As time progressed on, thankfully, women started trimming, waxing and shaving and the mighty “landing strip” became all the rage in the early 90’s.  As we continued to move forward in the times, we progressed to women “going bare” down there, hence, hardwood floors.  I mean, nowadays women can even vajazzle their sacred area (think bedazzler for the vajayjay).  Needless to say, things in the “hair down there” department have come a long way.  For many straight and older women, I have been told that their “situation” downstairs really doesn’t matter to the opposite sex.  As in, men don’t give a shit.  Gee, thanks captain obvious.  I bet it didn’t take a rocket scientist to figure that one out.  But for us lesbians, the shaving debate goes into much greater detail.  So, how much hair is too much?

I don’t intend on offending anyone here (You were forewarned that I am brutally honest and these are just my silly opinions), but I am strictly of the hardwood floors mindset.  Perhaps that’s because I have a major aversion to hair in general and one of the things that grosses me out most is hair (the kind that resides on the body, not the head).  But, I also haven’t come across many people that said they LIKE hair down there.  Sure, if it’s clean, trim, neat and well kept, like a nice little landing strip, fine, we can deal.  But no one wants to enter into the enchanted forest and have to find their way to the golden treasure.  I’m just sayin.  For example, I met a girl that I was hitting it off with fairly quickly.  She was unavailable at that particular time so there was no chance of going further than just having fun and talking.  That was until she decided to break up with her gf and called me right away.  I was obviously excited and after going out for a night of drinks, we ended up back at her place.  The kissing was all around good and so was everything else until I discovered what was waiting for me “downstairs”.  Yup, one big bushy mess.  Fuck my life.  Instantly, things went from great to super awkward.  This was my first experience hooking up with someone that had a full on “carpet” and I didn’t know what to do.  I was frozen.  Was it because it was winter time and she was growing out her “winter coat” to keep things warm, as in maybe this was seasonal choice for her?  Was there a backorder on razors at ALL of the local drugstores?  I just couldn’t grasp onto what was before me or what to do, so I awkwardly stopped.   I knew this was the moment of truth.  I couldn’t bail or run at this point.  Did I dare enter into the forest?  I decided since I was pretty tipsy, I would approach this as the “I’m TDTF (too drunk to fuck)” excuse and try and curb things off without having to go any farther than I already had.  I mean, discovering it was bad enough, let alone going anywhere closer to it.  Needless to say, I was more than ready to offer her my razor the next morning. 

Is a carpet downstairs a deal breaker?  Not for all people I’m sure, but for me, yes.  If a weed whacker is required or unless she is willing to bic it all off, then it’s not a place I’m willing to go.  I can handle a little hair, but that old porno 70’s bush just isn’t working for me and lezbehonest ladies, I don’t think it’s working for most others either.  So do me a favor and keep that coochie cream and razor handy at all times.  You never know when the hardwood floors will need to be polished. 

Reduce, Re-use and Recycle...or Not?

I am going to lead into my first blog entry with something that I imagine most, if not all lesbians can relate to.  No, it’s not about recycling your plastic bottles and paper plates. This is about lesbians and recycling women, or perhaps friends recycling their friends’ women.  I also like to call this, mowing someone else’s lawn.  It’s funny how you don’t see this trend all that often anywhere else except with lesbians.  For some reason, we like to date a girl, either dump or be dumped by her and then feel it’s necessary to “go there” again.  As if it wasn’t awful enough the first time around, you feel the need to go back for more?  Why do we put ourselves through this?  Why are we convinced that the 2^nd or even 3^rd time around will be any different than the 1^st?  Maybe we tell ourselves that they have changed, or they were in a “bad place” then and they are now in a “better place”, or perhaps that they have stopped their jealous ways that were displayed in the first 5 days of hanging out.  Perhaps, but not likely.  They say tigers don’t change their stripes, and well, lesbians don’t either.  If the girl you are dating cheats on you and then she comes back around and says, “I made the biggest mistake of my life, I’m so sorry, I’ll never do it again” and you take her back, I feel bad for you.  She will 99.9% cheat on you again.  Lezbehonest, it’s the hard truth.  I also love the classic, “I wasn’t in a good place then but I am now” excuse.  Ladies, if she didn’t have her shit together the first time around, she still doesn’t.  I don’t care how good in bed she is. Nothing has changed.

I know someone who is the epitome of reduce, re-use and recycle.  I’m quite certain all of the ladies she has dated she has also broken up with, dated again, and again, and again, and again.  I’m all about second chances when they are merited, but in these cases, it’s probably time to call it quits. 

This also brings up the issue of when your friends decide to date someone you have already dated.  I know you are probably all thinking, "If I don't date anyone my friends have dated, who is left?"  There are people out there.  I swear of it.  Actually, I'm living proof of it.  I'm not saying there aren't exceptions to the rule.  You could date someone that has dated an acquaintance of yours, but the difference is you are not mowing your good friends lawn (not referencing the green grass in their yard).  I'm not trying to completely limit the lesbian dating pool here.  So in this case, you have my blessing.  But if a good friend has already gone there, it's a no no.  It’s just not right to pick up your friends sloppy seconds fully knowing how awful it was for them. 

Lezbehonest, I’m guilty of this.  I had an ex dump me for a girl and then when that girl dumped my ex, I promptly swooped right on in.  Gross I know.  I hate to admit that, but it’s true.  I was warned that this new girl was a womanizer.  That she typically dated girls for 2-3 months and then would just disappear.  She did exactly that to my ex, but in typical lesbian form, I wasn’t trying to hear any of that.  Let me just say for the record that I did not have any intentions of dating this girl long term, she was my summer fling, and good thing because her legacy held true to form.  After about 3 months of hanging out, things dwindled quickly.  In typical womanizer fashion, we went from texting 150 times a day to about 5 and things had clearly run their course.  Here’s the thing.  I knew from the start what she was and went there anyways.  Should I have gone in for my exes sloppy seconds?  Definitely not.  That was a bad decision on my part.  Did I enjoy my summer fling friend with benefits?  Sure.  It was good while it lasted.  Point being, this girl didn’t change her womanizing ways and not for one second did I think I would be the one to make her change.  I knew better.  So that makes it ok (in my mind). But the romantic, optimistic part of a woman’s brain says, “I can change her.”  Trust me, you can’t. 

Lezbehonest ladies, save your recycling for your old beer cans and stop dating girls you have already dated and stop dating girls your friends have already dated.  There are plenty more girls out there your friends haven’t already deemed non-reusable. 

As Always,

BMAN

Introduction...

My name is Stephanie Berman.  I have always wanted to be a writer and instead of pursuing that dream after college, I decided to work for the family business of being a baby maker (helping couples get pregnant).  Needless to say, 10 years later of being in the baby making business, I have the urge to do some writing and share my sarcastic, brutally honest opinions with all of you.  Actually, I was prompted to start this blog when I was approached about being a guest writer for a blog that a very well accomplished writer had started.  Here’s a shout out to her.  Her blog is called Miss Wingman (www.misswingman.com).  You should check her out.  She’s pretty awesome.  Our writing styles were seemingly compatible and she was looking for the lesbian outlook on some issues that hetero couples might not think about or realize.  After my great experience writing for her, I became inspired to write again and realized that there were so many “gay” things I wanted to write about.  In case you didn’t already guess, I’m a lesbian.  Shocking I know.  I will use this blog to talk about all kinds of things that I have either experienced personally, seen happen, been told about, or just want to give my opinion on.  So lezbehonest, be prepared for anything.  I have a potty mouth and I’m not shy.  But don't be scared,  I’m a softie at heart.  Hopefully this will intrigue you to read on and check out my blog entries and as always, feel free to get at me with any ideas or thoughts you have. 

Yours Truly, 

BMAN

yes.  shamefully, this is the stuff I do.