The dreaded lesbian rumor mill...think before you speak

Oh. My. God.  Becky, look at her butt, it is so big (shout out to Sir Mix Alot).

Well homos, I’m back, at least for this week.  I took some time off and I have been a very busy little lesbian working on collecting more “data” for my blog and have been getting all kinds of juicy lesbian drama to write about.  I’m also working on a few new projects for my business of making babies which I hope to soon announce to you all, so stay tuned.  For now, I’m going to start my “comeback” with this entry about the good ol’ lesbian rumor mill.  You surely have all heard of it.  It’s one of those things that even as hard as you try to stay out of it, somehow, someway, you will find yourself knee deep in it.  We know everyone loves to gossip.  You would be a liar if you said you didn’t.  Gossiping is like the air we breathe, we just can’t live without it.  It makes for good bar conversation, for good gchat topics while distracting yourself at work, and it simply makes the lesbian world go round.  I, myself, have been known to love a little gossip.  I am slightly addicted to celebrity gossip.  I have my subscription to Us Weekly and love my daily emails finding out all the juicy details about Mila and Ashton’s secret affair and how Kimye might be headed down the aisle.   

 

Sadly, how true is this?

There’s a lot to be said for talking shit about other people and their lives.  Some could argue that it’s all in good fun and there’s no harm no foul.  Others might say that talking shit and gossiping is what people that have nothing better to do with their lives do and since they have no lives of their own and are miserable, they insist on tearing down other people to make themselves feel better.  I can see both sides (sort of).  In my eyes, there is a distinct difference between saying “OMG, I can’t believe they hooked up in a bathroom at the football social!” compared to something such as “I know that person.  They are shady and do shady things and people need to watch out.”  Gossiping about things that are funny like sex is hilarious and necessary.  As I said, something has to get us through the work day.  But when the gossiping gets personal and is a personal attack that turns into you talking shit about someone that you likely know dick squat shit about, well, that’s where I draw the line.  The people that talk shit about other people and their character are the ones that I would like to shove a dirty sock in their mouth and call it a day.  In fact, I call these people “fucktards”.  A fucktard is a combination of a fucking idiot and (excuse my language) a retahd.  These are the people that speak before they think, act with impulse and do stupid shit typically to people that do not deserve it.  I also like to call these people a “stoopidfuckingidiotassholedick”. 

Why is it that people have to make themselves involved in situations that they have NOTHING to do with???  My answer?  It’s because they are fucktard losers with no friends and have nothing better to do with their time than to try and be “involved” in other people’s business and cause drama in attempt to make other people miserable just as they are.  There is a thick line between gossip and talking shit.  Ever walk into a bar with a friend and then all of a sudden everyone is asking you about your new girlfriend?  That’s how the lesbian rumor mill starts.  It can be as innocent as someone walking into a bar with someone, they are spotted, and then someone assumes they are dating, and then let the rumors begin!!!  It’s kind of similar to the “chart”.  We all know that if a chart was ever made, there would be way less than 6 degrees of separation between most of us.  That’s because we are all so god damn closely connected and if one person says something, you can assume the rest of the lesbian community will know about it within hours.  Thank you twitter, FB, gchat and smartphones. 

Well said, Sir.

I recall when I first started dating my now wife, there were several people that “warned” her about me.  They told her I was “shady” and I was a cheater and to “be careful” of me.  Truth be told, no one is perfect.  I’ve made some questionable decisions in my past.  And some of the people that warned my wife had some merit in what they said but also, some of them had no business telling her anything about me.  They had “heard stories” and thought they were being a “good friend” by telling her about me.  What they didn’t know is the things they heard probably didn’t ever happen or if they did happen, they likely occurred when I was 23 years old and stupid and they heard some warped version of the truth, hence, the dreaded lesbian rumor mill.  Luckily for me, my wife decided to ignore the “warnings” about me and later discovered I was nothing of what she heard.  There was not one thing shady about me nor would I EVER cheat on her.  So, fuck you lesbian rumor mill. 

With that said, there is so much god damn bullshit that people talk.  I’ll sit there and listen to a friend in need and surely I will give my opinion, but you won’t find me talking shit.  I don’t particularly enjoy burning bridges and to be honest, I have much better things in my life to talk about.  If you don’t, well, I would just prefer you keep your fat fucking mouth shut.  There is no need to spread rumors.  Spread peanut butter on a sandwich and then spread some jelly on it, don’t spread rumors.  It isn’t a good look.  It will end up coming back to bite you in the ass and you will look like the douchebag fucktard you probably are.  Why can’t we all just get along as the one big happy lesbian incestuous cluster fuck of a family that was intended for us?! 

Lezbehonest ladies, everyone loves hearing your best scissor story about the weekend or your wild night at the strip club and all the fun gossip that occurred, but leave your personal attacks and bullshit stories at home.  No one likes a rat.  We prefer pussy cats that are loyal and eat the rats.  Since we have recently been in the voting spirit, my vote is to cut the bullshit and squash the lesbian rumor mill AKA shut the fuck up. 

Shhhhhhhhhh. For the sake of us all.

Please, just shut the fuck up.  Thank you.

Enjoy reading my blog??  Perhaps you want the chance to agree or disagree with me, call me out and speak your mind?  In the next few weeks, you will have the opportunity to watch my blog on a tv show style format but the best part is you will be able to “call in” and chat with me live!  It’s a brand new, interactive platform of broadcasting that Lezbehonest Ladies and LiveScreenTV will be bringing to you.  I will keep you posted when we are ready to launch, but stay tuned for my website and promo coming soon!  And, thanks again for reading this bullshit.