Friday, February 1, 2013

Lesbians and their pets…Are you a crazy cat or dog lady?



Hello everyone!  My apologies for not having posted anything in a long time.  It’s been quite a hectic couple of months for me.  There’s been some good, some bad and some quite interesting things going on.  For starters, I have started a new business endeavor that I am beyond excited about.  In the next few months, I plan to launch my invention to the public and then it is my hope that lesbians all over will be making babies and having great sex with my product.  I’ve got an upcoming article in Curve Magazine, an interview with sex therapist and expert Dr. Timaree Schmit and lots more amazing things are just around the corner.  Keep your fingers crossed for the success of this one for me ladies!  I also recently attended the Adult Video Network Expo in Las Vegas.  It was sex toy and porn star galore.  I’ve got a whole other blog entry for that experience. Now, with all the good, there does come some bad.  Bear with me, I’m about to get sensi on you and stray from my sarcastic bastard self for a second.     


Me and my baby!
I was recently reminded of how precious life can be how often we don’t realize the simple things we love and are accustomed to having can be taken away from us in the blink of an eye.  I’ve had several friends suffer losses in the past few months, be it a family member, friend, or their beloved pet.  To any of you that have suffered a loss, know I’m thinking of you. 

Now, to lighten the mood again (bc I can only be sensi for so long), if you know me, you know how obsessed I am with my dog, Sammie.  I got Sammie 9 years ago when she was just a little 2lb baby yorkie.  Sammie is actually about to have her 10th birthday!  I picked her out of the bunch because she had one ear that stood up and one that flopped down and she just melted my heart.  For you dog owners out there, you know, having a dog or cat or both is basically like having a child (lesbian preparation for the future).  I had no idea how much responsibility having a dog would be but I was adapting to the change and every pee and poop I had to clean up got easier and easier as time passed.  It’s like any new relationship, at first, you feel scared, lost, clueless, yet excited and once you start learning more, it becomes second nature (#lesbianbeddeath).  I felt a certain kinship with Sammie other than our hair was similar, that was unlike any other pet I'd ever had.  She is my best little friend.  Now, I know there are alot of crazy cat owners out there.  I'll admit, I'm partial to the pups.  I did inherit 2 cats via my marriage, which I have grown quite fond of, even when they hiss at me, but at my core, I'm a dog lover.  Dogs are the perfect companion.  They know when you are in a time of need, when you are in need of a snuggle and when they can be playful and wild and get away with anything.  They don’t talk back to you, they agree with everything you do and say, and as long as you give them treats, they are happy puppies.  This brings me to my topic this week.  Why are lesbians so crazy obsessed with our pets?  Is it something in our DNA?  Are we pre-dispositioned to be crazy cat/dog ladies? 



Seriously?  How could you resist?
Chocolate Baby!
I’ll be the first to admit, I’m a crazy dog lady.  If someone says my dog is looking a little plump or scraggly, I take it personally.  It’s like I’m forced to defend her honor.  I also have a “dogbook” page for Sammie.  I would say that about 770 of the 775 pictures I have in my phone are of my dog, not of my wife (whoopsies).  My dog has approximately 5 beds in our house for her to pick and choose from, although she spends most of her time on the couch.  Needless to say, my dog is what some would call, spoiled.  I feel confident as though I am not the only one that is like this.  When you walk onto the flag football field, you are somewhat overwhelmed by the amount of lesbians that have their dogs by their side, usually dressed in some sort of cute homo-approved dog outfit.  I guarantee if it weren't extremely weird to put a leash on a cat and take it for walks, you would see it happen, OFTEN.  Think about how many posts on Facebook are about a lesbian and their dog or cat?  Whether it's to tell the world how cute and snuggly your pet is or to share a milestone, posting about our animals is as common of an occurrence as lesbians sleeping with their friends (#youknowithappensallthetime).  Most lesbians go above and beyond to cater to their animals.  Be it dog or cat, they are the priority.  Even when it comes to a relationship, the number 1 in your world is likely your animal and not your significant other.  Don’t believe me?  Ask yourself this, if someone said to you, “You have to pick between your dog/cat and your gf, which would you choose?”  There’s no shame in your game people, if you are being honest with yourself, we all know you are going to pick your pet. 


I want to squeeze all those little faces!
The regal princess :)
I have always wanted to do a video documentary of how people talk to their pets.  Imagine how hilarious it would be to see over and over all that stoopid sounding baby babble we all do when we are speaking about or to our pet (#guiltyascharged).  Even my father talks to my dog in a sweet little doggie babble voice.  I know MANY people that make up songs for their pets.  There is a song for bath time, there is a song for dinner time, hell there is even a song for poop time.  Not to mention that we all have cute little pet names for our animals.  Sammie has approximately 8456487 pet names that I call her.  For example, I have been known to call Sammie the following (and I’m not ashamed to admit it): Bubba, Sweet Potato, Pumpkin Spice Latte, Chabubba, muffalata, Pork Tenderloin (when she was a little chubby), muffin head, I see a food trend happening here… I could go on and on about my pet names but I won’t bore you or make you want to throw up.  It’s a fact I’m obsessed with my dog.  I have a dog seat for her in which she drives in the passenger side of my car everyday on our way to and from work, I fork feed her breakfast, and when we play fetch you will often hear me saying in a mighty high voice “Go get it” as I throw her toy.  I always think she smells like brownies even when she probably stinks like pee and I’d let her kiss my face any day of the week.  Call me cray, call me what you want, I love my dog.  And I know all you lesbians out there love your animals like that too.  I also have to give a shout out to my other love, whom I also acquired her when I married my wife. Payden is the sweetest big chocolate brown bear in the world.  



My other love, trying to fit in Sammie's bed, the brown bear, Payden!
Lezbehonst ladies, there is no limit to our insanity when it comes to our pets.  This is the one area of our DNA in which being a little cray cray is acceptable (#finallyitsoktobecray).  Let’s rejoice in our love for our animals and unite in our crazy cat/dog lady DNA.  Put your paws up and high five! Please feel free to share your pet names and craziness with our readers!  Until next time…        




<3
***Happy 10th birthday to my lil baby Sammie!  It’s hard to believe I have had her since she was just 3 months old!  I love you Bubba!